Above is my New Years(and actually LIFE) resolution. I been away trying to 1. Accept that I will not have an MP3 Player for a while (FUCKEN MICROSOFT!) 2. Deal with dishonesty(Truth doesnt lie, motherfuckers) and 3. Get to a computer (currently not on mine). But did you REALLY think I wasnt going to give you another QUICK FIX OF THAT (DOPE)?! But this time..it’ s different. Here…for the first time is…a QUICK FIX of…..(*Drum roll*)..THE WHACK, THE IIGHT AND THE (DOPE):
The Whack
Charles Barkley’s Drunken Blowjob Attempt
Can you say, “bye, bye TNT”? Sir Charles was arrested in the Scottsdale, New York on New Years Eve(HAPPY NEW YEARS, CHARLES!) after he ran a red light and was determined to be under the influence of alcohol. THAT could’ve been altered and bended by TNT’s public relations people to preserve Charles’ image and thus keep him on TNT. HOWEVER…what came next officially deemed this the WHACKEST story of 2008(just in the nick of time). According to the police report obtained by The Smoking Gun, Charles told the police officer that he ran the red light because, trying to get a blowjob from a woman he says gave him “the best one he had ever had in his life” a week prior. TNT should get Clyde Drexler to replace him.
Saigon goes STUPID!
“What y’all doing is phony. A bunch of miscellaneous shit. Misleading these kids. Got them thinking you gangstas.”-Saigon in above video
Saigon is one of the best….when behind the mic. He wants to uplift these kids, build a better life for them, bring REAL HIP HOP and not that FAKE GANGSTA SHIT. THEN WHY THE FUCK DOES HE MAKE THESE KIND OF VIDEOS! This embodies EVERY whack stereotype of hip hop from 2008. Spliced together scenes showing overemphasized masculinity, threats to unknown miscellaneous “niggas”(he does call out Joe Buddens and Un Pacino), claiming to fuck unknown hoes and then trying to save face by saying, “this usually aint my style.” This the same dude who “retired” because people focused on his beefs more than the good he’s doing. WONDER WHY THEY DO THAT!
Lebron tries to defend his ‘trademark’ travel
Here’s Lebron’s explanation of what he THINKS he really did in the above video:
“You have your trademark play, and that’s one of my plays. It kind of looks like a travel because it’s slow, and it’s kind of a high-step, but it’s a one-two just as fluent as any other one-two in this league. I got the wrong end of it, but I think they need to look at it — and they need to understand that’s not a travel,” James said. “It’s a perfectly legal play, something I’ve always done.”
I fucks with Lebron. Lebron WILL go down as one of the top 10 greatest NBA players of all time when it’s all said and done. HOWEVER..we ALLLL know that great players get away with murder in the NBA (not litterally…i think) and I think it’s whack that Lebron would try to defend the OBVIOUS 3 steps he took and mask it as a “crab dribble”. It’s hilarious from :17 to :20, the announcer sounds like God just came down and healed a dying kid. (Dying kids arent funny, just so you know).
The Iight
Lloyd Banks WARMS the Corner
DJ Whook Kid & Lloyd Banks- The Cold Corner <-Download Link
I gave up on Lloyd Banks. After Rotten Apple and his subsequent verses (although Cake is one of the (DOPE)st Banks songs). But he regains some of interest with this tape. He regains some of his fire on “Ice Box” and “Increase the Gritty” and it starts feeling like ’03 again. But then he dumbs his shit down…WAYYYYY down with “New Pu$$y” and “On My Way”.
Lupe…the Japanese Cartoon
Japanese Cartoon- Heirplanes <-Preview + Download Link
Japanese Cartoon- ARMY <-Preview + Download Link
“With the Sun as my accomplice/Oh big God, be my compass/Be my guide”-Lupe Fiasco Percival Fats on “Heirplanes”
This is ehhh..ok for reasons that is Lupe’s fault and NOT. Well, first of all, I think “Heirplanes” is (DOPE) in a watered down Sex Pistols/British Gnarls Barkley kind of way. But “ARMY” is straight whack, trying to hard to make a message that gets lost in the static that surrounds the beat. Now, this is from the new rock group, Japanese Cartoon, with lead singer Percival Fats who sounds ALOT LIKE LUPE(that’s because he is, but they swear he’s not). With Andre 3000 running around, autotune turning every whack rapper with lungs into..well a whack robot and Cee-Lo and Kanye reaching what could be the apex of singing rappers, Lupe’s Percival’s attempt might get lost in the shuffle.
Dre STILL working on Detox
“Detox is coming. We gon’ make Dre do it.“-Eminem on “Encore”
The homie illseed over at AllHipHop reports that Dre’s new signee, Slim The Mobster(where does he find these dudes?) is floating around pics of Dre working on the “no words can describe the anticipation and frustration” Detox. I know. I know. This album is about 4 or 5 years overdue. I know. I know. There are other IIGHT worthy news out there. But come on..it’s the good doctor. I would’nt’ve felt right not including ANY sort of information I can get on this “could be the greatest album ever or greatest flop ever” project he got going on. Sorry.
The (DOPE)
Term Pays Jay
Termanology- If Heaven Was A Mile Away (A Tribute To J. Dilla) <-Download Link
“I wanna thank the nigga who sold Dilla his first SP/From the D back to NYC/I’m spitting game to this beat like it’s a P.Y.T./It’s Human Nature, to turn it up/The illest Soulaquarian to ever serve it up.”-Chaundon on “Pay Jay”
It’s simple math. (DOPE) + Classic= (DOPE EPIC)[i decided to seperate the words..people weren’t understanding it]. Term went HARD on these CLASSIC, EARGASMIC J. Dilla beats and he picked the perfect guests like Rapper Big Pooh, Chaundon and others to accompany him on this homage to one of the greatest Hip Hop producers to ever touch an MPC. Straight (DOPE) joints are “Pay Jay”, “Circulate (100 Bars)”, “Movie Clips”(the ending is genius) and “Bars 4 The Stars”. If Jay can live beyond the grave, maybe Hip Hop CAN survive.
Orgasmic Child Birth
Vodpod videos no longer available.]
“Amber actually had an orgasm while giving birth”
If you think the Earth is overcrowded now, wait until chicks find out THIS is possible. This is (DOPE) as fuck because..I mean…I never got a chick pregnant but I know dudes that have and when they love a chick they hate to see them go through that much pain, especially since they’re indirectly responsible for it. But to see this shit happen is BUGGING ME THE FUCK OUT! This became instantly (DOPE) when the reporter asked Amber’s husband how did it feel to see his wife in this orgasmic state and he gave one of the smoothest lines ever:
“Well, it’s not like it’s unusual.”
.(DOPE).
NEW YEAR…BITCHES!!
There’s always a (DOPE) feeling of excitement whenever a New Year begins. There’s ALOT to look forward to this year in the world of Hip Hop. A bunch of the Greatest Rappers of All Time are dropping new albums(Em, Dre, Jay, Tribe[hopefully]). The crusaders of the (DOPE) revival movement are dropping new albums including Blu and Exile’s 2nd album, Curren$y’s debut album, Charles Hamilton’s new album, Oddissee’s new project, and a bunch of more surprises. Lupe plans to DESTROY EVERY LIVING THING THAT MOVES with a COLLASSAL goodbye with his THREE CD final album Everwhere, Nowhere, Down Here (first single is apparently called “Shining Down”). It’s just an exciting time because who would’ve predicted this time last year that EVERY rapper/singer/talk show host would rap on “A Milli”, Nas would drop ANOTHER classic, RollingStone and Pitchfork would lose all Hip Hop credibility and Dark Knight would’ve been THAT FUCKEN GOOD? Only God…
and He aint saying shit about ’09
.(DOPE)is as(DOPE)does. 